I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
