Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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