If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
