You smell like stripper and shame
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
