just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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