i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
