I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
