using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
