there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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