first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
