Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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