Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
