Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
