Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
