Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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