Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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