Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
