I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
