After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
