You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
