She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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