So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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