on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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