Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
