Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize