on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
