im about as happy as oj after his trial
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
