Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
