What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
