I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
