you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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