You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
