it was like his penis was on wheels.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
