I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
