drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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