im drinking this country out of the recession.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
