Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
