Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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