So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have aggressive nipples.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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