why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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