five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize