new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it's like iHOP with fire
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
