Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
