omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
