i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
