After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
