he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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