I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
