I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
