it hurts more in the daytime
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
