Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
