I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize