Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
