Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
