evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize