I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
