ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
