My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
