What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We're too hungover to prance.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
