I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize