he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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