I am puke
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So here I am, sexting at work.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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