ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
