Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
