I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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