Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
