Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
