I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
they're like a gay fantastic four
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
