Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
