In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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