GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
