I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
