i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
