i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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