The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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