So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
