stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
