The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize