I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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