What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
