I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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