Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
