i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
