Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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