I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize