I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
