i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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