Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
