Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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