We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
