I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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