i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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