i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
