White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize