He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
