Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
