If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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