The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
