oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
