They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize