I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
