i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
