Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
