not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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