I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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