You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
